Get with the Program, Dude!

Are you ready to “Get with the Program?”

Technology! One word that means so much, to so many people. It has permeated our lives and our lifestyles.

I, for one, am a tech freak! And proud to be one too. I mean, if we were to draw a comparison between where we were and where we are, you’d see how much my life has improved because of ‘Technology’.

A typical day in the past went like this

1. Wake up
2. Brush your teeth (‘Signal’ toothpaste with 3 red lines was a rage)
3. Eat a healthy breakfast  – whatever you felt like (Paranthas with Ghee, Fried eggs with the yolk, bread with loads of butter, Jam with artificial flavours and loads of sugar.)
4. Leave for School
5. Get back home and change – Just pile on any clothing you find
6. Do some shopping errands for Mom
7. Play with your friends till you were really tired
8. Get back home and do your homework
9. Have a tasty, high fat, high-calorie, home-cooked dinner, while watching a program on the family TV (whatever was on at the time – even if it was that one for farmers!)
10. Brush your teeth
11. Sleep

As a child I lived in blissful ignorance (Don’t know, don’t care!). There was nothing that couldn’t wait till tomorrow.

I never thought beyond my “Happy Zone”. After all, what good would it do to miss out on my sleep, by worrying about what happened in the US yesterday, or who waged war with whom. That was information which only interested the serious quiz buffs. Not me!

It was a boring, mundane, ignorant, SSDD (Same S@#$ Different Day) existence.

Over time, we have been more and more exposed to information and technology (not necessarily in that order)

One thrives off the other. The better the technology, the more the information. And the more the information, the better the technology.

In fact it has reached a stage where we are addicted to technology and through it, information.

We are constantly bombarded by information.

A lot of which, we imbibe.

A lot of it, inane.

A lot of it planted by associations and groups of individuals, with pure commercial interests!

Information overload is the norm of the day. It has changed us forever.

A typical day today goes like this

1. Wake up
2. Check your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android or a combination of the three (Now you can stay connected 24 x 7. If you’re not, you’re missing something! Courtesy – Mobile Phone Manufacturers’ Association)
3. Brush with a non-fluoride toothpaste (Research has shown that an overdose of fluoride can cause abdominal pain, convulsions, diarrhea, heart attacks. Information courtesy – The Toothpaste Manufacturers’ Association)
4. Follow it up with mouthwash (only mouthwash ensures that upto 90%* of the germs in your mouth are killed, leaving your breath fresh and germ free for longer. Information courtesy – The Mouthwash Manufacturers’ Association)
5. Shower with an exfoliating body wash. Shampoo with an anti-dandruff, hair-loss protecting, extra-bounce shampoo. (Courtesy – The Personal Care Product Manufacturers’ Association)
6. Eat a healthy Breakfast – Make sure you have a balanced diet (Fruits, Fiber, Iron, Calcium, Potassium, Protein, Carbohydrates, etc. etc. Not too much of anything but a bit of everything – after all we do need to watch those calories. Information courtesy – The Breakfast Cereal Manufacturers’ Association)
7. Check your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android (again)
8. Get ready to leave for office – make sure that the brand you wear reflects your personality (or vice versa)
9. Get into your car (the bigger, the better – after all mine IS bigger than yours!)
10. Check your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android
11. Put on your hands free (preferably a blue tooth headset – no wires you see – unless blue tooth waves give you a headache – Research shows that too much* – note the asterisk- exposure to Bluetooth waves can cause irreversible brain damage. Information courtesy – The Wired Handsfree Manufacturers’ Association)
12. Drive to office (Check your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android thrice on the way while driving)
13. Reach your workstation (Ergonomically designed to make you more productive. Information courtesy – The Modular Furniture Manufacturers’ Association)
14. Boot up your computer (Powered by the new 8-core processor with Terabytes of Storage and Gargantuan Amounts of RAM – helping in increasing your productivity by upto 65% – when compared to a 486 processor under standard test conditions. Information courtesy – The Computer Manufacturers’ Association)
15. Check your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android
16. Download all the mail that you already checked 6 times on your Blackberry / IPhone / Android on to your computer, reply to a few, flag some for follow up, forward some more and mark the rest as Spam / Junk
17. Get on to Facebook (Over 300 friends, no updates from any, but Farmville sure is fun)
18. Get on to Linked in. Increase the size of your network (You already have over 500 professional contacts. Not that you ever used it to any benefit, but it has great show off value to your colleague ‘See how many contacts I have on Linked in?’)
19. Desperately lunge for the minimize button when your boss passes by.
20. Forward a few official mails (after all you DO get paid for it!)
21. Order Pizzas for lunch, online. Rationalize by ordering a Diet beverage to go with it. (Cuts down on sugar intake helping you maintain your weight. Information courtesy – The Beverages Manufacturers’ Association)
22. Repeat steps 15 to 20 till EOD (for the uninitiated – End Of Day)
23. Wind up for the day and reach home
24. Check your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android
25. Eat (again a balanced diet) while simultaneously channel surfing, reading the newspaper and catching up on mobile news alerts through the new app on your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android
26. Add in a few grunts and ‘hmmms’ into the family conversation about how much time on the PS3 is good for the children
27. Finish your meal, Check your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android
28. Brush & Mouthwash
29. Check your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android and put it / them to charge so that you can stay connected 24 x 7
30. Check it / them once more, before you go to sleep while simultaneously flipping between two episodes of Friends running parallel on different channels, on the fourth TV in your house.  (Multi tasking is in!)
31. Wake up twice at night with Email alerts on your Blackberry/ IPhone / Android.

Today, I am well Informed – I know everything about everything. Not that I can ever put it to use, I always forget when it is time to remember!

I also suffer from an extreme case of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) – An email or SMS notification requires immediate attention. Immediate! Even if I’m halfway through my marital duties!

I sleep less. After all… Who needs sleep? Not me! Watch me try… or maybe die?

I’ve discovered a new perspective on family ties – I see my kids growing horizontally. The only time I notice them, is when they’re in bed, sleeping!

I’ve discovered new methods to communicate (A.K.A. Innovation)

• My kids are on my friends  / family list on Facebook. I usually communicate with them through it.
• My shopping / grocery list is SMSed to me by my wife
• I don’t waste time on sharing private moments with my family…  instead I plaster it all over my Facebook wall / Picasa album, for the whole world to see!

I spend “Quality Time”, once a week with the family, instead of “Normal” time with them every day.

I have perfected the art of driving while looking at my mobile screen.

I have perfected the art of typing on a keyboard the size of a matchbox.

I play sports actively (Basketball, Tennis, Cricket, etc.) on my hand held device. I’ve even crossed expert levels in a few!

I’m with it! I can connect with anyone, anytime, anywhere, anyhow. Only thing is I hardly connect with anyone, since somehow, I don’t have the time anymore.

Nothing beats technology. I can do so much and yet achieve so little.

Ever since I’ve accepted technology as my new God and information as his messenger, life’s been on a high!

High Stress. High BP. High Sugar. High Cholesterol. High chances of an early death!

Life is so much better and easier, now that we are driven by technology and information. Isn’t it?

I mean, who could imagine leading a life of ignorance (and bliss) when one can be enlightened, online, connected 24 x 7 and stressed out?

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